“Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.” II Timothy 2:3
The role of a dad has sure changed from when I was a kid. Dads aren’t relegated to the role of breadwinners and disciplinarians anymore. Still, some men may find becoming an involved parent difficult because the role of a nurturer is a foreign one to most men. Now, to be a good father, you’re expected to do more of what mothers used to do, so it is quite natural that our ideas about masculinity have shifted too, but that’s another story.
For example, America coming off of the gold standard and consequently the devaluation of the dollar has caused many mothers to have to enter the work force. For example, in 1950 only 18% of women with children under 18 were in the work force, but by 2015 it was up to 70%. Then, their increase in financial power made fatherly financial support less necessary for some families. Today, many women, unable to count on men for support, depend on the government to assist in supporting their children. A fact not lost on liberal politicians who are glad to purchase their votes with promises of more assistance. Fathers have gotten the message that they’re not needed in the modern home. So dads, although your role has shifted, there are still some things that no one can teach your children better than you.
Teach Them To Have Grit
While the word grit may conjure images of John Wayne sitting on horseback, I would like to apply it to our children. Grit is about teaching kids to imagine and commit to a life and future they want to create. I don’t see a lot of grit in many young people today. The crybabies, who are used to getting their participation trophies, are now camping out on college campuses and needing safe spaces where historical figures and images are removed. I know their history censored education has left them without any true understanding of the past; but dad you should be teaching them what is missing from their education. I also wonder, where’s the work ethic, the grit, the resilience? I never questioned working around the clock just for the joy of working because I believed a good work ethic was a sign of character. It was a sign of grit!
I am talking about toughness and tenacity. It is about teaching your children to push through mental and physical barriers. In life we are put into so many difficult situations that kids must learn to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. This is character building stuff and helps you to learn to overcome adversity. The mind and body are capable of a great deal more than you realize. It’s just that most people never push themselves hard enough to discover their full potential.
Grit is about teaching our kids not to be afraid of difficult situations. In fact, they should be encouraged to voluntarily put themselves in difficult situations. Instead of looking for comfort, they should look for a challenge and anything that will build character and make them tougher. They should get out of their comfort zone on a regular basis and see struggle and adversity as a friend and a means for personal growth. So, let’s look at some of the specific attributes of grit!
Teach Them To Have Self-Confidence
The expectations parents hold for their kids will have a huge effect on attainment. What a parent expects of a child can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. It takes confidence to be a kid. Whether going to a new school or stepping up to bat for the first time, kids face a lot of uncharted territory. Self-confidence rises out of a sense of competence. In other words, kids develop confidence, not just because parents tell them they’re great, but because of their achievements. When kids achieve something, whether it’s brushing their own hair or riding a bike, they get a sense of themselves as being capable, and tap into that fuel of confidence.
Parents can help by giving kids lots of opportunities to practice and master their skills, letting kids make mistakes, let them skin their knees, let them try something new, but be there to boost their spirits so they keep trying. Self- confidence is grit!
Teach Them To Accept Responsibility
Children shouldn’t be allowed to blame others for not meeting expectations or completing tasks. Make no doubt about it: kids who see themselves as victims and are allowed to perpetuate that rationale will have a tough time accepting the responsibility that real life demands. When kids play the victim game with their parents or teachers, they need to be reminded that most“accidents”are really someone’s fault; so someone has to accept responsibility.
Remember, consequences are the results of poor choices and not necessarily punishment for bad behavior. On the other hand, when parents make excuses for their children, it’s a way they minimize the responsibility their children should be accepting; and these explanations transform into excuses for the child’s behavior. Sometimes legitimate reasons may exist, but in my experience in dealing with hundreds of parents over the years, they are rare.
One way to teach your children about responsibility is requiring them to do chores. If kids aren’t doing the dishes or cleaning the house or working in the yard, it means someone else is doing the work for them. As a part of the family, they have family responsibilities. When we let them off the hook they’re absolved of not only the work, but of learning that work has to be done and that each one of us must contribute for the betterment of the whole. Accepting responsibility and always pulling your load, that’s grit!
Teach Them To Have Good Manners
I know, in today’s world most adults have crummy manners. But, from a positive perspective that means it is easy to shine today! “Say thank you,” “Sit up straight,” “Say please”, “Say yes sir”; most of us heard things like this as we grew up, because our parents were teaching us manners. Many of us do the same thing with our children. But why do we bother? What is so important about teaching manners, anyway?
At the heart of good manners is a respect for oneself and others. Good manners convey a sense of respect for the sensibilities of other people. When you say “thank you,”you’re taking the time to make the other person feel appreciated. Saying “please” respects a person’s right not to do what you’ve asked. Good manners also show that a child listens to his parents and does what he is taught; these are good character traits that teachers and other authority figures appreciate. Manners convey quite a bit of information!
Proper etiquette is a lost art in the modern world, but is something that is very important. Being tidy and well groomed, being well dressed or appropriately dressed for the occasion, being punctual, showing respect to authority figures or elders, greeting others in passing, conducting oneself appropriately during social settings; all of these are good manners. Simply put, your child may be more successful in life in general if he has good manners and they will also embarrass you less frequently. Good manners are often ridiculed today, so they require grit!
Teach Them To Dress Properly
For a little girl, dad is usually the man in her life for many years. The way her dad treats her will affect her relationship with other men throughout her teenage and adult life. She looks to him for affection, respect, and affirmation of her femininity. Dad’s role differs from Mom’s when it comes to teaching girls the basics of appropriate attire. Dad might say, “You know, I was a teenage boy myself once, and I know that guys look at girls differently than girls look at guys. You can easily attract a guy’s attention by dressing provocatively, but I can assure you that it won’t be the kind of attention you want. Nor is it the kind of attention I want for you.” Dad can explain from a man’s point of view the difference in a woman and a lady, and how men react differently to each. The courage to dress modestly when all your friends dress like harlots requires grit.
Teach Them to Stand Up To A Bully
You can sign your child up for karate lessons, but the key to warding off most tormentors is depriving them of what they’re truly looking for: a reaction. Show your kid how to portray positive, forceful, yet quiet body language (the Fonzie look). To a bully, lack of attention is akin to lack of oxygen. Of course, sometimes the only way to have peace is to have war first, so fighting might be necessary. Either way, standing up requires grit!
Teach Them To Deal With Loss
Sadness, grief, and loss are a part of life. This includes everything from the tinges of sadness that bite all of us at times, to the deep, overwhelming grief that threatens to wring the life from our core. Perhaps we think it would be nice to stand between our children and any sadness that might come their way, but we can’t. So, the next best thing we can do is teach them as much as we can about how to navigate through this unavoidable human emotion with courage, strength, and wisdom. Sadness, like all emotions, is there because it has a job to do. It can teach us a lot if we are prepared for it. Dealing with loss requires grit.
Teach Them To Lose Gracefully
There are far too many poor sports out there. Make sure your child doesn’t become one of them. As you teach him to always do his best, also coach him to shake hands, praise the honest victor, avoid excuses, and never, ever blame his teammates. Losing with dignity means that ultimately he wins as well. It also means he has grit.
Teach Them To Say I Was Wrong And I’m Sorry
These words are often difficult for some people to say, especially a child. Teaching kids to apologize seems simple. You instruct them to say sorry to whomever they wronged, and you move on. But, did your child only say sorry to appease you? Does he really understand, or even care about what he did wrong? Teaching kids to apologize with sincerity helps them learn lessons in empathy, nurturing, and forgiveness. And given the messiness of life, those moments requiring apologies tend to be plentiful for practice. Saying please forgive me, I was wrong, requires grit!
Teach Them to Be A Man Or Lady Of God
As children grow up, their desire to have a relationship with God will be extremely dependent on what they have seen modeled by the men in their lives. Boys need to see their dads submitting to our Heavenly Father. Little girls need to see an image of God reflected in their dad. Remember, what one generation accepts with reservation, the next generation will accept without reservation. To serve Christ and maintain a Godly testimony your children will need grit.
Teach Them How To Respect Others
Your little boy will learn how to treat the women in his life by watching how you act toward his mother. When I opened the car door for Sherry, I was doing that for the kids, too! One of the best things a father can do for his children is to show his love and respect for their mother. Likewise, little boys need to see their fathers serving outside of the home as well. If you are helping a relative or neighbor with a project, take your little boy along. Although he might not be able to help much, it will be extremely beneficial for that little boy to see his dad serving someone else. Respecting and serving others requires grit!
Teach Them How To Be A Lifelong Learner
A lot of kids today are not avid readers. To many kids, reading is just not “cool”.However, this can put them at a distinct disadvantage when it comes to life-long learning. Little kids need to see their dad reading. Little kids also need to see their dad attempting to learn something new. Instilling a love for learning is a key component to ensuring your child’s success. Children need to see their dad as a role model for someone who enjoys learning something new and tackling a hard project! Again, this is something else that requires grit to execute properly.
Teach Them How To Listen.
We spend lots of time helping little kids speak but tend to shortchange the idea of paying attention to others. If a child is not talking by the time he is two, we wonder if something is wrong, however if a kid is not listening even when he is five or six, we think that is normal. A father needs to teach his children to respectfully listen.
Teach Them To Be Decisive
In life you will often have to make quick and decisive decisions that may be unpopular. Often you don’t have all the information or time that you need to make a well thought out plan. You may not have time to pray as you wish. So, you have no choice but to go with a combination of instinct, gut, and training. Don’t wait for conditions to be perfect before you commit to something. Don’t plan endlessly and never execute. Just get started. You can always adjust and recalibrate later on if the original decision was flawed in some way. But be confident and don’t let fear or uncertainty hold you back from making decisions. Of course, that will require grit.
Teach Them Practical Skills
Modern folks are so weak that it doesn’t take much for society to totally break down. (Remember Katrina?) Teach your children how to safely handle a firearm, scan crowds, look for entrance and exit routes and areas of protection, follow instructions, be organized, and never panic. Teach them to be patriotic, be prepared, to stand alone, and to learn the principles of personal self-government. In short, teach them to think and to have grit.
So, what is this stuff called grit? Grit is a distinct combination of passion, resilience, determination, faith, and focus that allows a person to maintain the discipline and optimism to persevere in their goals even in the face of discomfort, rejection, and a lack of visible progress for years, or even decades. People with grit refuse to be defined by failure and rejection. They know that participation trophies aren’t the same as success and that anything worth achieving takes a combination of prayer, passion, and perseverance. They endure hardness as a good soldier. Grit sets them up to overcome whatever obstacles get in their way and gives them the tools they need to become the strong and independent adults God created them to be. . . and no one can teach that like a Dad!
And of all the people in the world, Christians should be the grittiest. After all, we have the best instruction book available on having the right attitude and staying motivated; the Bible. We also have the clearest view of what is at stake. Perhaps most importantly, we have the ultimate example of determination in Jesus Christ our Lord.
Dr. Worthington has been in the ministry over forty years and serves as President of Pathway Ministries.