What do young people think about when they are “in love”? One thing for sure, it is not laundry and bills. When young couples are looking at marriage, their minds are usually on one thing. They want to spend every waking minute with the person of their dreams. Oh, he or she has some small areas of concern, but it will all go away once they are married.
I find this to be especially true of young people who have not lived on their own or been made responsible for their own care. We did try to prepare our children for the realities of life by making them responsible for their own bills and their day-to-day responsibilities. They all knew how to work in the yards and do their own laundry, as well as keep the house clean. I guess the girls knew how to cook better than the guys, but all of them could figure out how to find something to eat.
But no matter how we tried to prepare them for the day they were to be married, it was impossible to prepare them for living with someone for the rest of their lives. I guess love truly is blind, or is it?
My husband preached a message recently that really hit home. If we would ask ourselves the questions he posed to our congregation, it would help in all relationships, especially marriage. Are you ready to be honest?
What is it that makes you difficult to live with? Wow! What a question? Of course, you realize it is my husband that is asking this question. My first thought was “Yikes! I wonder how many ways he thinks I am hard to live with. It can’t be many. I am just wonderful. No one would have a hard time living with me.” Just kidding, at least about the being wonderful stuff. Proverbs 21:9 states, “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.” Before you point the finger, Fellows, that applies to men, too.
Married couples learn very quickly how to sin against one another. We learn how to inflect our tone of voice, how to look at each other in a way that hurts, and what words to use to sting. We know what history to bring up that might help us twist the point of our blade. Marriage can reveal more about us, in our sin, than we ourselves knew.
Now, we also can quickly learn how to give one another joy. We know how to make life easier and how best to serve each other. And all of us are still learning. To be loved by someone who knows me for who I am is an act of sheer grace. Being one flesh is a wonderful challenge, but with the Holy Spirit, it can be a successful challenge.
What kind of marriage do we have or want to have? If we can ask ourselves some honest questions, perhaps we can be on the road to heaven on earth.
So, what makes us difficult to live with? That is a hard question. We must first admit we are not always a joy to be around. Then we must perform some deep introspection. All of us have personality traits or preferences that may not be sinful, but they do make us challenging to get along with. And guess what? Our spouse cannot escape. He or she is stuck with us.
Are you a neat person married to a sloppy person? Are you a loud person married to a quiet person? Are you an on-time person married to a late person? The questions are endless. You list your own.
We all have weaknesses, but our mates know them all. Living with someone exposes them quickly. Pride tells us it is our mate’s fault. They just need to get over it and do things our way.
We all have our quirks to consider. How do we react to certain situations? Try filling in the blanks.
“When I’m annoyed, I tend to….”
“When I feel hurt I sometimes….”
“When I’m extremely tired I occasionally….”
“Concerning money, I can be a bit difficult because I…”
“I guess I fret a bit about….”
“I’m usually obsessed by….”
And of course, this list is endless, too.
Humility allows us to be aware of the ways we make things hard on our spouses. It also enables us to serve them better, helps us avoid opportunities for misunderstanding, and makes our mate feel listened to and cared for. Confessing weaknesses also allows for healthy expectations, as your spouse knows that you are aware of your weaknesses and are trying to deal with them.
Answer that important question, “What makes you difficult to live with?” After you have been completely honest with yourself the next question is, “Are you willing to work on these difficulties?”
We have already gone through the pain of admitting how difficult we are to live with, now we have to be willing to work on it. I guess it depends on what type of marriage we want and how much we love our spouses.
When we have a beautiful marriage, we bring glory to God. The Scripture teaches that if we wish to bring God glory it is often through our weaknesses. Hebrews 11:32 shares many Bible saints that did many mighty things even though they were weak. They were willing to overcome their weaknesses for God’s glory.
Okay. What comes next? “Are you willing to confess and be forgiven?” Are we ready and willing to obtain victory and make things right once and for all? We must be certain our attitude is one of genuine godly sorrow-the kind of sorrow that leads to repentance.
We must check our motives before confessing. We must ask ourselves why we want to make this confession. Do we have our mate’s best interest at heart, or are we thinking primarily of ourselves?
It is vital to get it all straight in our minds before we open our mouths. We must get it straight that we genuinely want to repent, that we genuinely want victory, and that we want it for the glory of God. We want it for the benefit of our spouses and others that may be impacted, and finally for our own well-being and spiritual growth.
And finally, “Are you willing to grow through your weakness?” The Lord can use our trials for good. I can look back from my childhood until now and see how the different trials of my life have been used for my growth. God has taught me in so many ways through my weaknesses.
I am still growing through the weaknesses. They are not all conquered yet, but praise God many have become strengths. It has not been an easy road. Recognizing my weaknesses was a hard step. I am sure there are more I have not admitted to myself yet.
On our drive home after the Sunday message, I asked my husband in what ways was I difficult to live with. Of course, I braced myself because I sincerely wanted to know. I began to list a few that might annoy him, and he just smiled. He said that those things were not important, and they did not annoy him. I jokingly called him a liar. He said, “No sweetheart, there is nothing about you that is difficult. I have decided those things are not important.”
I guess love is truly blind, or more accurately, it chooses to be.
Mrs. Worthington has five children and twelve grandchildren. She serves as Principal of Pathway Christian Academy in Goldsboro