Sometimes I have the strangest dreams. I wake up mystified! One such dream was truly weird. I was approached by someone in my dream and threatened. He told me I better vote a certain way on a piece of legislation or his people would hurt my children. I remember being afraid at the time, but I quickly forgot about it. I went on with life as usual. As the deadline approached, he came to remind me about my vote. I asked the stranger, “What did you want me to vote for again?” He looked at me in amazement and walked off!
I remind you this man had threatened my family, and I did not seem to care at all. Oh, when he first approached me, I was terrified. I was very concerned about my children, but soon forgot about the impending doom. Unlike my dream, real life can be much more serious. I wonder how often we sell out our children for the here and now. So many times we make soft choices that seal their fates for years to come. The character they needed to develop when they were young is sold out for our convenience today.
Our soft choices start when our children are babies and continue right up until the time they leave our homes. Sometimes, we even make choices when they are grown that hurt their marriages and our own grandchildren. We look at the person they have become without examining ourselves to see if we are to blame. Most choices we make in life affect others.
Every stage in our children’s lives has its difficult moments. Babies can be so cute. We can act very foolish when we talk to them. Do you ever wonder what they are thinking when we coo at them and make the funny faces? We make a lot of effort to see them smile or laugh. I was talking to Hannah, my youngest grandchild, in baby talk. She was laughing and having a good time, but quick as a wink, she began to scream. Uh, Oh! What had I done? The truth be told, nothing! Well, she wasn’t so cute anymore. I could not console her, but Mommy had the magic touch.
When babies cry, we don’t always know what the problem is. It is difficult to figure out what they may need or want. Fortunately, we learn to read our baby’s cry. We can often tell if the child truly needs something or just wants attention. Both are important, but we have to use discretion when attending to their wants. Isn’t this the battle we face while raising children? We must choose to give our child what he needs, whether he wants it or not. What do our children need from their parents?
First and foremost, our children need to see Christ in us. We must let Christ’s unconditional love shine through us to each member of the family. Displaying God’s love in all areas will show our children why they need to have Him as their Savior. Without showing Christ to our children, nothing else really matters. Our words will mean nothing. If we have Jesus as the center of our homes, everything else will fall into place.
By showing unconditional love, we give our children the security they need to branch out and grow. In addition to love, they need to see a mutual respect in the home. They need to observe Dad being kind and gentle to Mom, and Mom being kind and respectful to Dad. Children need to observe and experience unconditional love as well as respect, no matter how old they are. If they are constantly yelled at or fussed at, they will not feel secure. Children need to be corrected, but we should use constructive criticism. While instructing them in the areas they are weak in, we need to encourage them and let them know how much we believe in them. This is a choice we have to make and be committed to. Unconditional love along with mutual respect is a lot of work. It is a hard choice!
We also have to be good examples in other areas of our lives as well. We must show our children the value of hard work and responsibility. We need to teach them the responsibility of working hard and the rewards of diligent labor. My mom oftentimes had me do a job over until it was right. She instructed me first so that I knew what was expected, and then she praised me when the job was done well. I did not know how much that one lesson was going to help me with the jobs I held in the future. It would have been easier for my mom to have done the job herself, but she invested in me. She did not take the easy way out!
We must teach our children that when we give our word, we keep it. We can be counted on. So many times in the world of work, many adults cannot be depended on to do a good job, to be on time, or to use their time wisely. They are wasteful of the resources they have available. They waste their employers’ time and money. This is often passed on to the children.
Many children do not know the value of a dollar because they are given so much. Many parents are guilty, too! Just visit the buffet at a restaurant, and you will observe first-hand the waste of so many people. Many children spend time foolishly as well. Just ask most teenagers how much time they spend on their cell phones. But I guess many adults are addicted, too.
Our world today is looking for the easy way out. We don’t want things to be difficult for us or our children. Our children would have never learned to walk if we had not let them fall. Sometimes they learn their biggest lessons by failure. The school of hard knocks is what my parents used to call it. Knowing when to step in and rescue them and when to let the leaves fall where they may can be a difficult thing.
I sincerely believe the addictive use of technology has made us a lazy and wasteful generation. I wish there was no social media. I know it does a lot of good, but I feel the bad outweighs the good. How much time has been wasted on social media as well as the internet? How many affairs have been started on social media? How much have our children been exposed to on their cell phones? Parents, I beg you. This cannot be a soft choice. Don’t sell out your kids. As a teacher, I try to monitor my students’ social media. I have learned of several apps that are dangerous. People can block certain viewers from seeing their posts. So parents, you may not be seeing everything that your child is posting. Do you even know what apps your children have? Take the time to find out today. Research them, and monitor their sites before it is too late. Make the hard choice!
Enjoy your children while they are young. Each stage has its own blessings. As a parent of five adult children, I know this stage can be a challenge. Sometimes it is difficult! When adult children get too much help from their parents, it hurts the marriage. The young couple never grows to be dependent on each other. A friend of mine faults her husband’s mother because she never made him grow up. He was never made to face his responsibilities, and she always had an excuse for his failures. Her mother-in-law interfered with their home life, and he never had a good relationship with his wife or children. It is hard to know when to help your children and when to let them handle the situation. We have to be sure we are not encouraging our children’s bad behavior in their adult life by not making them face their responsibilities. This is a difficult choice, but we must not sell out our grandchildren on the altar of peace.
So, Moms and Dads, remember that life is full of difficult choices, and when we choose the easy way we are selling out our children and their futures.
Mrs. Worthington has five children and eleven grandchildren. She serves as Principal of Pathway Christian Academy in Goldsboro.