Are you having a sleazy affair with someone? I know this is a subject more suitable for a tabloid headline or a movie plot, but still I beg to ask the question. After all, misplaced attraction or love is a frequent occurrence, even in the church. Actually, the question is not whether we arehaving an affair but a better question might be how manyare we having?
In the classic affair there is somewhat of a love triangle. That is, usually three people are involved, and at least one of the parties is trying to manipulate between two love interests. These two love interests, whether they are aware of it or not, are competing with each other for the time, attention, respect, and love of the third person.
Our Lord addresses the subject of sleazy Christian affairs in the following verses:
“He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me. He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.”
Matthew 10:37-39
Although this form of misplaced love might not be what we usually think of, I assure you it is prevalent in the modern church. Jesus illustrates a couple of very common love triangles. He speaks of loving our parents or children more than Him as being an example of misplaced love. These are by no means the only love triangles in our lives. Love affairs can involve anyone or anything.
Regardless of the entities involved, they always confront us with the question of whom or what do we love most? Who is it that occupies first place in our lives?
As Christians we all know that Jesus should occupy the first place in our lives, but does He? Is the Lord our most important relationship, or are we indulging ourselves in a sleazy affair with someone or something else? It is not enough to give theological consent that Jesus is first in my life. I must be honest about what the actual evidence shows.
Is Jesus more important than my wife? That’s a tough one! I know the right answer, but honestly I am not sure I always live up to the message I preach. Fortunately, she never puts me in a position to have to choose. But what if she does, what would I do? Of course, I must ask if I ever put her in such a position? How about yourrelationship with yourspouse? Do you ever put them in a position where they have to answer the question; “Who do you love the most, Jesus or me?” It is a sad reality that some couples do that to each other quite frequently.
According to my calendar, it would appear that the ministry is my most important relationship. That’s where I spend more time than anywhere else. You may say, “Well that’s the same as spending time with Jesus.”Sure, it can be, but it is not always the same thing. If you should see the passionate loving looks I give when I pass the Krispy Kreme Shop, you might assume I have a love interest that works there. If you were to look at my checkbook you might say, “I think he’s got a thing going on with someone at the grocery store. That’s where he spends a lot of his money.” On the other hand, if you catch me at a certain time, you might conclude that I love myself more than anyone else.
I’ll bet you know what I’m talking about. We’re probably not that different. Our true answer reveals many different love interests that we have. However, when Jesus asks us to love Him more than any other relationship, it means we can have but one primary relationship in our lives, and Jesus says it is to be Him. His demand for first place is not limited to our parents, children, or spouse; it has to be first place over everyone and everything in our lives. He could have easily continued the list.
He might have also said, whosoever loves a friend more than Me is not worthy of Me. Perhaps He could have said, if you love your leisure time more than Me, your priorities are misplaced. Certainly, He could have included things like career, power, wealth, or reputation. So may I ask, are there any misplaced love affairs going on in your life? Whom or what do you love the most? Is there some sleazy affair keeping Jesus off the top of your list?
Jesus demands we make a choice. Does that mean we must reject our parents, our children, our spouses, and all other love interests? No, that’s not what Jesus is asking. Jesus is not demanding exclusivity, but He is demanding priority. Jesus refuses to be just another one of our many love interests. He is not asking for a place on our love list, even if we offer Him a slot near the top. No, He commands priority.
Although the Scripture teaches us that God is a jealous God, this command has far more to do with our benefit than His. Keeping the Lord as our primary relationship gives us identity and direction. It becomes the lens through which we see the world, each other, and ourselves. It is the foundation on which we build our lives. It guides the choices we make, the words we say, and the ways in which we act and relate. It sets a trajectory for our lives and determines how we love.
Simply stated, the more we love Jesus the more we are capable of loving others. He increases our capacity to love. The more I love Jesus the more I can love Sherry, the more I can love my parents, and the more I can love my children. The more I love Jesus the more I can love others. Why then would we want to love anything or anyone more than Jesus?
But how do we do it? How do we pick Jesus over our child, our spouse, or our parents? I have already given you the secret. When you love God most you are capable of loving everything else more. This breaks the love triangle. There is no longer a sinful and improper love affair going on. No one is left out, excluded, or rejected. Everyone is loved more as God, and not ourselves, becomes the source and origin of our love. This means we are allowing God’s love to flow through us to others. This is allowing God to love others through us. Then, and only then, are we capable of loving others with the same love with which Jesus loves us. That’s pretty powerful!
I want to love Sherry. I want to love my children. I want to love my grandchildren. I want to love others. Fact is, there are a lot of things I want to love, and I want to love them with purity and intensity. But, I can only do that when I put Jesus first.
Dr. Worthington has been in the ministry over forty years and serves as President of Pathway Ministries.