As the number of veterans from the Second World War dwindles year by year, many young people have no understanding of the hardships of a war-time romance. While a world at war was able to curtail many things, it was not powerful enough to stop love. Young couples continued to fall in love and marry, despite the war and the complications that it caused. Once the United States joined the conflict, the urge to get married among many young couples proved too compelling to resist. In 1942 alone, 1.8 million weddings took place, up 83 percent from 10 years before. And two-thirds of those brides were marrying men newly enlisted in the military.
World War II created challenges not only for the ones fighting on the front lines but also for those who stayed at home. One of the biggest, was limited resources, meaning people had to do without many things for the sake of victory. Getting married during the war years presented a unique set of challenges to young bridal couples. With grooms marching off to war, wedding plans were made quickly and services were held in churches, homes, government offices, and even funeral chapels. Couples often scheduled weddings around service leaves and short week-end passes.
Planning a wedding around wartime shortages required teamwork and ingenuity. Sugar ration coupons were saved up and taken to the bakery to be applied to the wedding cake. Fabric was so expensive that a great number of women simply weren’t able to afford a wedding dress, and many of them had to improvise with materials. In some cases, wedding gowns were made from flour sacks or even made of silk from the parachutes that had saved their grooms in battle. Honeymoons, if time and finances allowed, were spent close to home due to the shortage of gas and tires.
World War II was a time of intense emotions: excitement, fear, homesickness, longing, and love. Young men, away from home for the first time and facing an uncertain future, sought comfort in correspondence to sweethearts waiting back home. The separation caused by wartime service was keenly felt by young couples whose dreams for a bright future together were suddenly put on hold. Thoughts of my “girl back home” sustained many a soldier during months of training or combat duty on foreign soil. As the war progressed, letters and photographs from that someone special back in the states soothed sagging spirits and lonely hearts.
Young wives with husbands away at war struggled to maintain some semblance of normal home life for their children. Wives would often rely on family members or neighbors to help establish and furnish their meager homes. Many times, the wives themselves were helping with the war effort or working outside the home to supplement their small military allotments.
For those delaying marriage, a message of “I will wait for you” made absences easier to bear. For these sweethearts, the wait was well worth it when at the end of the war the soldier would come home to the waiting arms of the girl he loved, ready to build a life together.
Of course, once the war was over, returning to a normal life was not an easy task, especially when one considers how devastating the war years were. Rationing was still in place in the years that followed the war, and people had to be careful to use their money wisely because the cost of almost everything had risen. In spite of the hardships, couples must have been able to adapt as those years led to what has been called the “baby boom.” It also led to my birth, so I am glad things worked out for my Mom and Dad.
Years exactly like the ones that followed World War II may never be repeated, but perhaps every couple needs to start seeing marriage through the vision of a war-time mentality. I have noticed that in many war-time pictures, most grooms were married in their military uniforms. Their marital attire testified of the desperation and determination of the time. Maybe there is a message in that for you and me. As Christians, maybe we need to get married in our uniforms also. The Bible calls it “the whole armour of God.” When we move past the decisions of the wedding dress, the flowers, and how many people to invite, we are faced with the daily decisions of living out our marriage vows. The sweet romantic bliss of the wedding day is to be treasured–but it’s the conflicts won on the battlefield that sustain a marriage.
Whether we’re aware of it or not, the battle begins, not ends, when we make our vows. Before the wedding we may have suppressed it, but shortly after the service our selfish sinful self-will begins to surface. Satan will hurl his fiery darts. We will have to watch our step, lest we set off his explosive land mines hidden in our own homes. Many times, it’s our own unrealistic expectations in marriage that blind us from seeing the bullets flying all around us. A marriage relationship, by definition, involves challenges. It is a mixture of two different people into one flesh, and this is tricky because each person has unique preferences, backgrounds, biases, and values. When partners connect, they will create interesting combinations–some exciting, and others just plain aggravating. We must ask God to open our eyes to the spiritual warfare in our marriage.
The Coronavirus has been a battlefield for many marriages. Couples forced to spend more time together while fighting the possibility of job loss has been a harsh climate for love and romance. Let’s see, we’ve faced tight quarters, little sleep, financial stress, constant childcare, home schooling, and a diminishing tissue supply. Even without the threat of illness, it’s a recipe for conflicts in a relationship. Considering the far-reaching circumstances that surrounded the pandemic, a partnership completely free of conflict is probably unrealistic. We are all a bit more stressed and stretched. In such an environment all emotions are taxed. Have you suddenly noticed how loud your partner chews potato chips? Have you discovered that her placement of items in the cabinets or in the fridge makes no sense at all? Have you wondered how one man can use so much bathroom tissue? Are you suddenly beginning to question your partner’s parenting skills? If any of this sounds familiar, you might be married during a pandemic.
During the battle many couples had to figure out new ways of working, living, parenting and just getting along with each other. We’ve polished up our marital problem-solving skills, but the fact is most problems in life don’t get “solved,” they get managed. We make corrections and adjustments as we go. The good news was that partners had a lot of together time to work out those issues. However, the corresponding bad news was that they had to learn to manage their problems under a lot of pressure.
Relationships that were strong before the pandemic, although facing a few stressful moments, have probably been strengthened. However, relationships that were a bit unsteady before the pandemic have likely taken a real hit. Already there have been reports of a spike in applications for divorce in the Chinese city of Xi’an as a result of couples being quarantined in close quarters. American lawyers are probably also looking for a windfall. The pandemic has been a pressure test on marriage that some were completely unprepared for.
What we need is more of a war-time mentality in our marriages. Not fighting against each other, but fighting along beside each other; against a common enemy. The Coronavirus will not be the last crisis we will have to endure. There will continue to be hurricanes and floods and other seasons that will test even the strongest of relationships. How do you survive when the unexpected and unprecedented circumstances come your way? Romantic bliss is one part of marriage, but it’s the hard-fought battles won with grace that sustain a marriage. We must all learn to deal with the days when the sound of the battle shells drowns out the wedding bells.
I would assume that every young couple has great expectations for a wonderful marriage, but what happens when reality doesn’t line up with our hopes and dreams? What if the real story of our life and marriage disappoints us? During the pandemic did your dream boat turn into an old barge? Does the glass slipper no longer fit your Cinderella? We all want the happy ending; sometimes we even demand it. We all have a romance story playing in our head of what married life will be like, but eventually we’ll discover this fantasy world doesn’t always match reality; especially during a crisis. Our lofty, fragile hopes and dreams are shattered. We never realized marriage could be so hard. Just remember, whatever your family situation, there is an opportunity to find grace in the midst of this crisis. Families can use this time as an invitation to focus on our deepest relationships and on building strong family bonds. In a crisis, one of the greatest blessings is having each other. You may not see it yet, but it can be a real gift. You might be too close to it to see it as a gift right now, but step back and re-focus.
Personally, I am thankful for the extra time Sherry and I have had together. It is the most quality time we have been able to spend with each other in a long time. There is something about having to pull together, sacrifice together, and face the challenge together that just seems to bring you closer; especially on the battlefield. In some ways it has been a time of renewal. Usually when people say that a goal is on their “bucket list” it means that sometime in the as-yet-unplanned, perhaps even distant future, they’ll hopefully get around to doing something they always wanted to do before they die. The Coronavirus, as tragic as it has been for so many, has taught me that “sheltering in place” with my wife should have been on my bucket list all along. I know many people are isolated in this crisis and forced to be alone. The joy of my companionship with Sherry has compelled me to ask God to help me feel the loneliness you may be facing. You are in my prayers. I trust His glorious presence has been your constant companion.
Finally, as a challenge to parents, I would remind you that your children are taking note of how you handle a crisis. A strong marriage where love between spouses is clearly visible provides security and stability for children. Children often come to know the love of God through the love their parents have not only for them, but for each other. If you want your children to experience God’s love, then be willing to do what it takes to fully and selflessly love your spouse. The family is the school of love. Little ears are listening, little eyes are watching, and impressionable teenagers may be observing. Take a moment to whisper a prayer calling upon the help of the Holy Spirit to be with you before you act or speak, in moments where your strength is lacking. A loving and secure home is one of the greatest gifts you can give your children.
Most of the young couples that were married during the days of World War II are no longer with us. And since grand-parents are usually the “storytellers of family history,” most of their love stories will never be whispered again. The hardships they endured and the skills they learned are buried in the history books or in an old tattered photograph. But just as they, may we also rise to the occasion. May we also learn to build a strong marriage even in the midst of the battle. May we also develop a wartime mentality. May we daily adorn ourselves in the uniform of “the whole armour of God.” The sweet romantic bliss of the wedding day is to be treasured — but it’s the conflicts won on the battlefield that sustain a marriage and build a family.
Dr. Worthington has been in the ministry over forty years and serves as President of Pathway Ministries.