Here I am again, Lord! Why do I always goof up? I think I am on a roll and moving right ahead, and then bang. I get run over by a freight train. Well, that’s what it feels like anyway. I guess I am guilty of exaggerating. But as Christians, sometimes we can feel that way spiritually. But why is that?
The Lord sometimes gives me some of my answers when I wake in the early morning hours and can’t go back to sleep. I lay there and pray for many of the people in my life, especially those with difficulties. Then I lay there and say, “Lord, I am shutting up now. What do you need to tell me?”
Is that why I cannot sleep? I typically don’t slow down long enough to listen to His still small voice. He will usually whisper something like, “Why are you worrying? Don’t you know I got this?” Then I said, “But Lord!” And I started listing several problems and telling Him why I am worrying. He says again, “But you know I have things under control.” As he whispers in my heart, I think I know the problem. “Okay, Lord, I just haven’t learned to completely trust You. I keep taking back everything I have given you and trying to solve it myself.”
Then, He reminded me that the problem was bigger than I thought. “How can the problem be bigger than not trusting You completely?” He tells me, “You need to look within yourself and ensure no sins are lying at the door, keeping you from fully trusting Me. You can’t trust me completely if you haven’t given me every area of your life.”
But, Lord, what have I not given to You? As I lay there quietly, He revealed areas I had not totally surrendered to Him. Due to their nature, I am not going to share everything with you, but I will share some things that I hope will help you as they have helped me.
One of the most important things He dealt with me about was my excuses. We are supposed to put God first in our lives; honestly, my ministry consumes me. I am busy with my family, but most of my waking hours are spent with the teaching and administration of the academy. I asked the Lord what He meant. “Lord, I really believe I am trying to help others in your name and further the Gospel. I pray to you many times a day.” He said, that is good, but how much time do you spend talking to Me and asking Me questions like you have this morning? In many situations, I apply my relationship with the Lord to my relationship with my husband. He is my best friend on this earth. It helps me to understand how the Lord might feel if I reason things out with an earthly example. What if all I did was wash my husband’s clothes and cook his meals, help him with his duties at the ministry, or in whatever ways he needed, but I seldom sat down and shared my heart with him. What if I only said, “I love you in passing?” What if we never sat down and discussed our hopes and dreams unless it was in a fleeting moment? Our relationship would grow stagnant.
I had to realize that this was a sin, and I have been making excuses. The Lord is not interested in my excuses. Have you ever had someone apologize to you and then explain why they did what they did? That is really not an apology. It almost makes you feel like I did this, but it was someone else’s fault. It would be much better to say I goofed up and am sorry. How can I fix this? I tried to relate this to how the Lord must feel. He must be saying, “I am tired of your excuses. You have been doing this for years. Isn’t it time for you to conquer this problem?” But He didn’t. As I confessed my sin to Him, He whispered softly, “I love you, Sherry. You can do this. I forgive you.” Wow, what a Savior!
I also have trouble dying to self. In I Corinthians 15:31b, Paul says, “I die daily.” I realized that all my problems would be solved with that one action. I would learn to manage my time better, I mean the Lord’s time, and make priorities where they need to be. I would quit worrying about the future and take things one day at a time. I would stop trying to fix everything and leave it in God’s hands. I would change my expectations to His expectations. And the list goes on. If I had written the verse in I Corinthians, I would have written, “I die every second.”
I told the Lord this morning, “I really want to be like you. I really do, but it seems impossible. I want to be forgiving and bring others joy like you do, but most of all, I want to love like You do. How can I accomplish this impossible task?”
He told me something so special. He said, “Sherry, just love people like I love them. Love them right where they are at. Love them enough to show them My love. Love them more than you love yourself. I will help you with your time management, I will help you with the future, and I will help you with all of the other things we talked about. But the key is to love Me more than you love yourself. That will fix it all.”
Do you realize what He was telling me? Jesus died on the cross for my sins and yours (John 3:16). He came so we could have life more abundantly (John 10:10). My Lord was telling me that I needed to love others as He loved Me. What does that mean? I am to love others enough to die for them and show them a bit of Heaven on earth. I am to be a walking example so others can see Jesus in me. Their life should be better because they have me as an example of Jesus. Just as Paul made the lives of the believers better in his day, our fellow believers and those in our lost and dying world should be better off because they crossed our paths.
Are they? Are others better off because they know us? In this Easter season, let us commit to follow Paul’s lead and die to self so we can show Jesus’ love to others and make a difference. Are you willing to make this commitment today?
Dr. Worthington has five children and twelve grandchildren. She serves as Principal of Pathway Christian Academy in Goldsboro.