I would be less than honest, if I didn’t say that during some of my more carnal moments, that it didn’t sometimes bother me…just a little. After all, I want to have first place in my wife’s life and when I sense that there is someone else in that position, there has been a few times I have not handled it well. It sometimes brings me to my knees in prayer.
If I can be honest, I have to think twice about being second place in my wife’s life. I could easily find myself struggling with jealousy over the time she spends with our kids and grandkids, her ministry commitments, and yes, even her time with the Lord. Although I’ve been a pastor for a long time, my selfishness still gives me the powerful ability to carnally rationalize why I should always be the most important and urgent priority in my wife’s life.
But, if there is one thing I have learned about being a godly husband, it is this: I must always encourage her to love Jesus more than me. The most important and the most urgent need in our lives is to love Christ above all. Everyone and everything else must be second to loving our Lord; and husbands, that includes her love for us.
Actually guys, if you want her to love you more, be content with letting her love you less, less than she loves Jesus. Jesus plainly declares,
“He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” Matthew 10:37.
Without explicitly stating it, our Lord’s list obviously includes husbands and wives. Your wife needs to love Jesus more than she loves you. And you should want her to. Here are a few reminders why.
His Covenant is Better
When we were married I made a pretty hefty covenant with my wife. I promised to love her for better or for worse till death should part us. Yet, I must confess, Jesus’s covenant with my wife is much better than mine. His covenant is eternal. It secures my wife a future which will only be “for better” and never “for worse”. Furthermore, death will not separate her from Jesus. You may wash your wife with the word, but Jesus is the Word by which she knows God. He secured for her a new covenant relationship with God whereby you are not the basis of her relationship with God, Jesus is. There are no promises that I could ever make to Sherry that could ever surpass the promises He has made to her. On top of that, being imperfect as I am, I could break my promise to her. Jesus will never fail to honor one single promise He has made. I am glad to be a part of her life, but if she had to choose, she would be far better off with Him.
He Knows What She Needs
I love to give Sherry special gifts. I guess the most expensive gift is her wedding ring. All these years later, she still wears it every day. I’m sure your wife appreciates the ring you gave her, and the countless other tokens of love you’ve blessed her with over the years. However, no matter how sacrificial or costly the gifts are that you give to your wife, Jesus’s gifts are simply better. I cannot out give Jesus. His gifts bless her a lot more than mine. I might buy her a new dress, but He clothes her with righteousness for all eternity. I might give her a warm house; He gives her a mansion in glory. I can take her to the doctor when she is ill, but He can heal all her diseases.
Jesus, the Son of God, became man in order to give your wife the gift of abundant and eternal life. He paid for the forgiveness of all of her sins. He rose from the dead to secure eternal life for her. He graces her with His perfect righteousness in order to reconcile her to His holy Father. I might take her out to a nice restaurant, but He offers her the true Bread of Life that can satisfy her hunger for ever. I can stop and buy her favorite milk shake, but He can give her Living Water that will quench her thirst forever. I will try to make sure she is always provided for, but He will share with her His inheritance of all things. My gifts are good. I do the best I can to meet any need (or any desire) she may have, but His gifts are simply better, and they are the ones she really needs.
He Is Always There For Her
I love praying for my wife, and I rejoice in knowing that because of Christ, the Father hears and answers my prayers for her. But Jesus’s prayers are better. He prayed for her long before I did, even before her parents did. Even now He is her constant intercessor. The omnipotent eternal Creator of everything seen and unseen, became man and died on the cross in order to become her high priest. As the God-man, Jesus knows more about what my wife needs than I do. He understands her weaknesses and is actually able to sympathize with them more than I can.
Furthermore, He will never stop being there for her. I may be away from her, I may be at work or out of town, and it is likely I will go to heaven before her. But He will never leave her nor forsake her. I honestly believe I would be willing to die for her, but He already has, and in doing so He offered a better sacrifice for her than I ever could. Then He rose from the dead to eternally intercede for her. Today, tomorrow and through countless years of eternity, Jesus will always be there for her. Jesus is simply a better priest than I am. So much so, that her heart will only be fully satisfied when it is delighting in Him.
He Loves More and Leads Better
Husbands, when God joined you and your wife into one new person, he made you the leader. A good husband will therefore lead his wife, not in a domineering way but in a sacrificial way, considering her needs as more important than his own.
Jesus is the perfect example of a sacrificial leader. He is the leader who laid down his life for His sheep. He is the Good Shepherd who knows where all of the greener pastures and still waters lie. He is the definition of what it means to love. He loved her first, long before I did, and He loves her more. On top of that, the only way I can love her at all is through the overflow of the love that He gave to me in the first place. Jesus is simply a better leader. His sacrifices prove it. His wisdom is infinite, and His power unlimited. By means of His leadership, He saved her from Satan, death, and hell. So, let her worship Him as her true and greater Bridegroom.
Conclusion:
Think for a moment what you would deny your wife if you jealously hoarded her affections. Now, think about all she’ll gain from Jesus if she loves Him more than you. Next, think about what you will gain if she loves Him more than you. I know my wife is one of the strongest, wisest, and bravest women I know, but I still like to think that she needs me. Yet, the truth is, she needs Him more; and I am okay with that, and in those carnal moments when I am not okay with that, I quickly try to get okay with that–for my benefit and for hers.
Listen guys, here’s the blessing: Freeing your wife to love Jesus more is a win-win situation for both of you. Jesus can transform her into a better wife, a better mother for your children, than you ever could. So, encourage your wife to love Jesus, to be active in His ministry, to be faithful to His church, and don’t be jealous of Him. Freely give your wife the gift of rejoicing in her love for Jesus.
Ladies, married or unmarried, if you have not been putting Jesus first, I entreat you to deal with that right now. Confess the sin of making something or someone else an idol.
Let us pray. Dear Lord, please bless my wife to always love You more than anything or anyone else, including me. But also Lord, let me, as her privileged husband, be used, even in my imperfection, as an example, to display Your love for her. Oh Lord, I want to help her learn to always love me less than You. In Jesus Name. . . Amen.
Dr. Worthington has been in the ministry for over forty five years and serves as President of Pathway Ministries and Christian Bible College.