We are living in a lying generation! We have grown to expect most politicians to lie, but now you can’t even trust your fellow Christian to be honest with you. They say they will meet you at 10:00, but you know they will be late. They promise to get a job done by Friday, but you know it most likely will not come to pass. Of course, you might say that such things are just little white lies, but white lies matter!
I don’t honestly remember ever lying to my parents. Now, I will admit I did not always volunteer information unless they specifically asked, but if they asked, I would tell them the truth. Many kids today make it a regular habit to lie to their parents without any apparent conviction. Something must be wrong here.
I have noticed a common excuse today among those who fail to meet their commitments; they say “I forgot.” They use that childish scapegoat quite often and with great skill. Forgetting is certainly a crime I have been guilty of on occasion, but forgetting is still a lie. Although I honestly forgot, I still told you I would do something and I didn’t do it. It may not have been intentional, but it was still a lie. It may not fit into the category of what we used to call a “bald-face lie”, but I still need to apologize and make plans to not let this happen again. Forgetting is like having an accident. I might collide with your car while leaving church, sure it was an accident, but it was still my fault, and I need to apologize, make things right, and design a plan so it will not happen again.
Perhaps the first step in finally becoming an honest Christian is to accept the fact that it is not just wrong, it is a sin to lie. I will be the first to admit that every Christian is tempted to lie, and many do, even more than we might realize. There are other forms of lying other than willfully altering the truth. For example, avoidance of the truth is one of those forms of deceit we need to give consideration.
“Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.”
James 4:17
Typically, when we think about truth and lies, we think in black and white terms. Either it is truth, it is the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, or it is a lie. Most God-fearing Christians know better than to tell blatant, obvious lies. The bigger temptation for us is when we fall into the dominion of the “little white lie.” That is where we spin, alter, or avoid the truth.
Lying is sometimes a response from a person who is afraid to love someone enough to tell them the truth. Maybe we do not want to hurt their feelings. Concern for others “can be” wise, pure, and right in some situations. Then there are other times when sinful motives are in play because we do not want to be in conflict with someone.
“Am I therefore become your enemy, because I tell you the truth?”
Galatians 4:16
Many marriages work this way: one spouse is afraid to speak the truth to the other spouse because of the anger that blows back on them. The truth-telling spouse learns to avoid the truth, which eventually builds up a cancerous wall in their relationship.
Learning to speak the whole truth is a hard concept to apply, particularly if you live with a controlling, proud, and often-angry mate.
Examples of Little White Lies
Consider these examples of what we might call “Christian lying”, if such a term can actually exist.
Taking Away From The Truth To take away from the truth is not telling the whole truth. This situation is where it can become tricky because at times it is not wise to tell the whole truth. For example, are you really going to tell the Nazi soldier that you have a Jewish family hiding in your attic? Your goal is not to hide the truth, but trying to discern when the individual is mature enough to handle the truth or if the individual has a right to the information they are seeking.
“I have yet many things to say unto you, but ye cannot bear them now.”
John 16:12
What are your reasons for withholding the truth? To intentionally leave out parts of the truth can be motivated by self-protective fear rather than a heart of love for the other person, or for reasons of privacy.
Adding To The Truth. This approach is taking the truth and adding more to it. To spin things for impact or to make yourself look better than you are speaks to a deceitful heart. You may be tempted to embellish the truth if you talk more about the things you do right than the things you do wrong. Sometimes, we hide our own faults while embellishing the faults of others.
Avoiding The Truth. Sometimes we don’t want others to know the whole story. So, we evade the truth. Even the great King David, who was a man after God’s heart, had a hard time telling the whole truth. Only after Nathan confronted him did David finally speak the truth.
Being transparent and honest with others is hard. It takes a lot of courage. Yet, to lie is to reveal your authentic relationship with the Lord. Distorting the truth is often deeply rooted in a sin problem. While the behavior may be lying to others, the first breakdown when I lie is between God and me. Remember, every honorable commitment you make to someone else, is also a commitment to God.
Why can’t I trust the Lord and just tell the truth regardless of what others may think of me? Why is my craving for approval or fear of rejection more important than making God’s name great? Why do I feel the need to tear down others to elevate my own self? Why do I make excuses when I lie? Lying is a crisis in faith. I do not believe we realize how insidious this temptation to skew the truth is working in us. Usually when we lie we are showing that we are more loyal to ourselves than to the Lord.
Once we develop a habit of lying, we are going to drift so far from the truth, even to the point of not being able to identify when we are no longer telling the truth. Some actually become convinced of their own lies. Although we try to clean it up by saying,“I forgot” or “I didn’t mean to”, failure to honor a commitment is a lie, and it needs to be treated as such. Personally, I waste far too much time waiting for Christians who show up late (or never show up at all), or for payments that are never made, or for commitments that are not honored. Then, all I get in the process is “I forgot.” Good grief! White lies matter!
Since Adam fell in the garden, man has been tempted to lie. We were born liars, and we are shaped by society to be unreliable. Most of us are just following the examples we have seen all around us. We get handed a truck load of lies every day. But, your Lord is powerful enough to reshape your faith and release you to walk in His truth.
Have you considered that God’s Word is an extension of Himself? He can no more be severed from His Word than He can be severed from His power. Likewise, our forefathers believed that a man’s word was also an extension of himself. A man’s word, just like his life, liberty, and property was an integral part of his being. Your words are a part of you. They represent you. They are you!
“For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.”
Matthew 12:37
Therefore, it is right to expect Christians to honor their word, pay their bills, do what they say, and be where they say they are going to be. Certainly, there are times we all forget to honor a commitment. None of us are perfect, and as I get older my memory seems to be failing me more and more. However, I must realize that when I do not keep my word, even though it was unintentional, I owe you an apology and I may need to make restitution, and I certainly need to make concrete plans to keep my incompetence and unreliability in check.
So, let’s do a quick check-up: Are you often tempted to lie? In what areas are you tempted to lie the most? When you withhold the truth, is your motive for God’s glory and the other person’s benefit, or something else? What do your temptations to lie reveal about your relationship with God? Do you often fail to meet commitments? If you failed to honor your word this week, what is your plan of confession, forgiveness, and reconciliation? And finally, have you just lied to yourself in any way by how you answered these questions?
So, let’s be honest and above reproach. Let us be known for our reliability and honesty. And should the rare occasion arise when some form of withholding the truth might be beneficial to the Kingdom, may we approach this sacred ground only as led by the Spirit…after all, white lies matter.
See you next month, unless I forget!
Dr. Worthington has been in the ministry for over forty-five years and serves as President of Pathway Ministries and Christian Bible College.