It might seem strange for a 74-year-old man to be writing about his granddad, but as we approach Father’s Day, I felt such a testimony might be in order.
You see, my life has been forever enriched by the influence of my granddad. Oh, how I love him. I say “love,” not “loved,” because that’s the way love is; love never fails. Love doesn’t cease during separations. And this one will be short. Many memories are still fresh although he has been in glory for over 40 years.
What I remember most about my granddad isn’t his interests or personality traits, it’s his extraordinary witness of God. And while it may not have seemed like I was paying any attention, I was. In a hundred different ways he taught me about a life of faith; although at the time, I was lost.
For one thing, he taught me about the importance of church. Mom and Dad didn’t go to church, but I would quite often go with my granddad. He would be dressed in a suit and waiting to chauffeur me to church on time. That meant getting there 15 minutes before the service started or suffering the shame of being “late.” I liked to go to his Sunday School class, and I can still seem to hear him boldly sharing the Word of God. I can almost see him serving as an usher, holding a brassy offering plate, walking down the aisle to the altar. Granddad listened to sermons with unwavering attention. For him, worship was centering, life-giving, and holy.
Granddad prioritized church until his health began to keep him away. He went faithfully to feed his soul.
I always felt so comfortable, safe, and loved when I was around him. I think perhaps others did also. He always greeted people at church. His interest in them was genuine. He remembered facts and details of other people’s lives and brought them up whenever they spoke. He remembered their infirmities and the problems folks were facing and would often ask about them. He did this because he wanted everyone he met to feel loved, seen, and known; the way God loves us.
He loved his pastor. He and grandma had the preacher over for a meal several times a year—that was the custom back then. My granddad kept his eyes fixed on Jesus. I can still see him sitting in his rocking chair and reading the Bible. His faith still inspires me daily. In a way, granddad taught me how to see. He was always profoundly awake to see and experience the simple things. Just to wake up in the morning and be aware of the warm bed, the pleasant weight of the blanket on your feet, the warmth of the sun rays, the soft murmur of the distant traffic, the sound of the birds chirping, and the sheer being of things.
Just when I thought there was nothing else to see, granddad would show it to me from a new angle, then another angle, and then another. It was through his eyes I learned to see and to be alive to what is really there. Wonders in the world God created, that is what he helped me see, again and again. I guess I could say he was gently amazed at the amazing; and to him everything seemed to be amazing. Now I know it is true. Everything, rightly seen, is amazing. And, rightly experienced, everything is eye-opening and instructional.
Granddad was never glib or gloomy. He did not wear the heaviness of his troubles on his sleeve. Yet, he took life seriously. He was not a party pooper nor the resident clown. I felt safe around him because he always seemed to be calmly unshakeable, although there was one time, I felt a little threatened. We were on the sidewalk in downtown Farmville. A man approached him and began to fuss about something. Granddad handled it with firm grace. He would later explain to me that although nobody likes to be criticized. According to granddad, critics either help keep us sane, or by our reactions, prove us to be temporarily or permanently insane. Whether a critic’s manner is gracious or malicious, whether the timing is good or bad, whether the intention is constructive or destructive, whether the content is accurate, half-true, or utterly false, in any case the very experience of being criticized reveals who you really are. This was a way of seeing things that I would never forget.
My way of seeing things, and handling things has been formed by ten thousand experiences in life. Some have been harmful, others helpful and some both. But, through granddads eyes, I saw life as a comprehensive, God-centered, Christ-exalting vision of Scripture. Which in turn, would show the world as a place of endless wonders.
With Christ as Creator and Teacher, the universe becomes a university of discovery. Maybe that is one of the reasons that man’s world has never really impressed me. I didn’t want to be shaped by a limited vision of the world. I wanted to see things the way granddad saw them. I wanted to understand the riches and nuances of life that you could never understand just from living on the planet and obtaining man’s wisdom. I wanted to become a bigger person with a wider scope of perception. These are just some of the things my Granddad taught me, and I didn’t even realize it at the time. But, now I understand that the things he taught me in that wonderful inspiring classroom were illustrating and amplifying the Word of God.
I was blessed in that for the first eight years of my life I had granddad all to myself. Mom was an only child, and my little brother wasn’t born until I was eight. There was no competition—well except for his job, chores, and my grandmother. It is unlikely I will have the influence over my grand-children that my granddad had over me. For one thing, my grandchildren have Christian parents. I am so thankful for that. But it is a privilege I didn’t have, so granddad was the one who was my Christian influence.
What is the biblical role of a grandparent? Biblically, every member of the family has been given an important, God-ordained role that is not interchangeable with other members of the family. The Bible also clearly defines the role of grandparents. Yet, although the Bible is clear on the subject, American culture is not, and many Christians have unintentionally adopted a non-biblical view of grandparenthood. There are at least three modern day messages grandparents must reject.
You need to live your life independent of your family.
That means don’t interfere, don’t overstep, and don’t be a burden. While there is some truth to that, it has also rendered countless grandchildren as grand-orphans who do not have the intimate influence of a grandparent in their life. In others words, grandparenting is viewed as an extra, a role not essential to the functioning of the family or the development of grandchildren. Sherry and I are blessed that our grandchildren are close by.
Your role is to be a babysitter, companion, and playmate to your grandchild.
The role society gives grandparents is obvious when we look to children’s literature about grandparenthood. Many children’s books suggest that grandparents are for playing hide-and-seek, singing a lullaby, building a sandcastle, and playing games. Biblically, although all these things might have a place, a grandparent’s role is far more than being a babysitter, playmate, or companion.
You’ve worked hard, and now it’s time to enjoy yourself.
The world tells you that you did your time, and now it is time to rest, travel, and play. The essence of this message is that you are to indulge yourself with whatever makes you happy. I warn you, The Bible never speaks positively about a self-focused, self-indulging season of life, and this is what retirement has become for many Christians. Quite the opposite, this is God’s message to grandparents:
“Only take heed to thyself, and keep thy soul diligently, lest thou forget the things which thine eyes have seen, and lest they depart from thy heart all the days of thy life: but teach them thy sons, and thy sons’ sons;”
Deuteronomy 4:9
So, in conclusion, the one word that seems to describe a grandparent’s role biblically is the word heritage. In Psalm 78, God provides a four-generation vision for families: fathers, children, children yet unborn, and their children. God wants you to think multi-generationally and gives you a large vision to leave a lasting legacy in Christ that will last for generations to come.
Apart from a heritage of faith, another aspect of a grandparent’s role is to tell God’s works: “shewing to the generation to come the praises of the LORD, and his strength, and his wonderful works that he hath done” (Psalms 78:4). God wants us to report to our grandchildren (generations to come) what God has done in our life.
Another responsibility is to teach God’s law: “For he established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children:” (Psalms 78:5). Teaching is a central element of a grandparent’s role. The Hebrew word “teach” means to instruct or guide. Guidance is a goal-oriented word. It suggests that there is a specific outcome you are working toward, and teaching is a method to that end. A good guide knows the end destination, shows others the path, and instructs along the way.
We are to aid the parents in teaching our grandchildren that God is the source of morality. We must help teach them the Gospel. Every grandchild has broken God’s law and needs the free gift of grace through faith in Christ. We must help teach them to be obedient to authority, and we must teach them the core truths of Christianity. The pattern of Scripture is for children of all ages to be taught the core truths of the Bible so that they will be firmly rooted in Christ and established in their faith. So, everything a grandparent does, including a trip to the beach, is aimed at the salvation and sanctification of children and grandchildren.
Society communicates a powerful message about being a grandparent. Sometimes, that message is so strong that even Sherry and I feel guilty for not playing more hide and seek. But then I remember my granddad—and not a single game of hide and seek, not one trip to the beach or to Disney World, but I remember him as a teacher.
Because a grandparent’s main role is not to ignore his grandchildren, nor is it to spoil them, be their playmate, or constant companion. A grandparent’s purpose is not to indulge themselves during the last third of their life. God designed grandparents as disciple-makers for the purpose of passing on a heritage of faith to future generations. Granddad accepted that task…and honestly it was a delight for both of us.
Dr. Worthington has been in the ministry for over forty five years and serves as President of Pathway Ministries and Christian Bible College.