When one of my grandchildren gives me a hug and says, “I love you, Grandma,” it brings joy to my soul. There is something contagious about children. If you ever take a child to visit a nursing home or a retirement home, you will understand. A quiet, somber place will come alive.
Sometimes my grandchildren would visit with me when we went to the nursing home to see my mother-in-law. The residents were usually sitting in the hallway. When they saw the children, they lit up with a smile that warms your heart. The grandchildren would go down the row and give each one a hug. The people there looked forward to their visits so much. They were little angels in the residents’ eyes.
Well, the residents did not always see my little angels when they lost their halos. Yes, they lose them quite often. I am not talking about the times they spill their drinks or embarrass me in public. I am not even talking about the times they wake me up at night for a glass of water. I have many examples due to my experiences as a mother, grandmother, and school teacher. I can even pull from the memories of my own childhood.
For example, the children argue over the rules of a game. There are ten different ways to play a game as simple as Uno. I am amazed at how much arguing can occur over a game of checkers. Many children get very upset if they do not win. Another issue I see quite often is the desire to be first. It is not just about being in line first, because the older children are too mature for that one. One only has to listen to a conversation to see which children want to be the center of attention. Unfortunately, it can be the whole group. Life has to revolve around them. Isn’t that wanting to be first? Children have a lot of trouble with what I call the “I” syndrome.
It is hard for children to realize that the world does not revolve around them. Isn’t that the definition of “selfish?” When babies are born, selfishness is all they know. They cry to eat, to be changed, and to be held. It does not matter how tired their parents are or what they have to do the next day. The babies want what they want, and they want it now.
As our children get older, it is our responsibility as parents, grandparents, and teachers to teach them how to be “selfless.” That is definitely a tall order. We must realize that their future depends on it. The quality of every relationship depends on people accessing and acting upon the needs of others.
Unfortunately, the main reason we have a difficult time teaching our children to be selfless is that we are not selfless. The examples of selfish adults are endless. There are extremes. Some adults are spending their money on alcohol or other entertainment instead of feeding their children. That is very sad, and they don’t deserve to have children. But most of us do not fall into that category.
Where do we fall? Are we in debt up to our eyeballs because we have no restraint? Do we spend money on luxuries when we have bills to pay? When we do not spend money correctly, it hurts our spouses and our children. It also puts undue pressure on the household, and it shows we care more about ourselves than we do others.
Do we take advantage of our spouses and manipulate them to get what we want? Do we consider their needs ahead of our own? Do we respect and cherish them as we should? Do we always expect them to be understanding and do for us; but when they do not feel well or have a full plate, do we assume they can handle it?
Many parents push their children aside because they have things to do. Moms and dads don’t have time to listen to their children and spend time talking to them about the small things. Some parents consider their children a nuisance and an aggravation. Oh, parents don’t say it, but they show it with their actions.
But then there is the opposite extreme. Some parents never discipline or hold their children accountable. Moms and dads also give the children what they want in an attempt to make them happy. If the children are happy, then the parents are happy. This is just as selfish. They are not willing to upset the children because parents don’t want them to cry or feeling disappointed. It takes hurting and disappointment to build character. The word “no” is very important. It is needed in everyone’s life to become responsible adults.
How can we teach our children not to be selfish if they do not have good examples to follow? They don’t see us putting others ahead of ourselves. Giving to others can be as simple as the way we drive, as well as how we respond to our children and our spouses. Instead, we want what we want. If that is a problem, then so be it.
We are all selfish in one way or another, but the biggest thing we are selfish over is our time. We want to do what we want with our time. We don’t want anyone to tell us what to do. Many times we don’t pray or read our Bibles because we don’t want to take the time. We say we are too tired, but what we are saying is other things are more important.
Paul teaches in I Corinthians 15:31b that he dies daily. This verse tells us that he had to struggle with being selfish and thinking of himself. Every moment of the day we must continually give ourselves over to God. I find myself having to fight the urge to be selfish so many times every day. I start thinking about what is good for me and what I want to do instead of what God wants me to do. There is that word again! “I” is such a dangerous word. It robs us of so much joy. We must erase the “I” in our lives and replace it with “no.” Dying to self is only possible if we put Christ in the place of the “I.” The more we say “no” to ourselves, the closer we will be to Christ. His desires for us will become our desires. Let Jesus live in you!
Mrs. Worthington has five children and twelve grandchildren. She serves as Principal of Pathway Christian Academy in Goldsboro