“The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
Titus 2:3-5
I am concerned about modern day motherhood. It just seems like something is missing. Maybe it is right here. Paul encourages Titus to teach every group in the church—older men, young men, older women, even slaves—every group except for young women!Teaching and training young women in godly womanhood is primarily the responsibility of older women, not the pastor, male leaders, or other teachers in the church.
It is doubtful the apostle Paul had Bible classes or seminars in mind when he spoke of teaching younger women. He meant the simple things, the everyday examples, the willingness to take time from one’s own concerns to pray with the anxious young mother, to walk with her the way of the Cross with its tremendous demands of patience, selflessness, lovingkindness—and to show her, in the ordinariness of life, how to have a good marriage and be an effective mother.
Perhaps there are some reasons for this lack of training.
Women in modern society often live isolated lives, which is unlike the past or in other cultures where women still spend time visiting with each other. Generations are deliberately separated in society and church. Many churches have age-specific congregations and small groups. Different age groups just don’t mingle much anymore. We also find that many modern programs for women focus more on entertainment, rather than teaching, training, and mentoring.
Furthermore, many older women tend to want to act like younger women, so it looks like they are learning from the young; thus the young assume they must not be qualified to teach them. Older women wearing their tight-fitting clothes while sporting their new tattoo, just don’t look like they have anything different or better to offer. Therefore, many young women don’t respect older women because many older women are self-absorbed in themselves while pretending to be young.
In addition, this modern generation has a cultural tendency to resent unsolicited advice and to seek counsel only from experts or peers who will agree with our modern philosophy.
It can also be hard to find time and energy to minister to others, or to be ministered to, after working in a job or caring for your family and home all day. Most married women with children return to work soon after childbirth. This leaves little time for giving or receiving ministry.
Finally, we might note that feminism often makes us uncomfortable with teaching on biblical womanhood and makes us embarrassed to pass on ladylike ideals. I am sure there may be many other reasons, but this was just a few.
I know some older ladies don’t feel they have the gift of teaching—and perhaps you don’t, but you can share, you can talk, you can informally teach lessons you have learned. Think of all you have learned.
You have learned from your mistakes. This is not sharing all the foolish details of your own immaturity, but by not being afraid to admit the mistakes that you have made younger women can learn valuable lessons.
You have learned from your experience. Older folks have gained so much wisdom in their lives from a lifetime of experience that it’s almost a crime not to share it with someone younger. It took you a lifetime to gain. Don’t carry it to the grave with you!
You have learned from history. What has happened before will happen again because there is nothing new under the sun (Ecclesiastes 1:9),so why not tap the history you have seen over your lifetime? Young people are traveling down the same roads you have already traveled.
You have learned from applying the Scriptures. Most likely you have more knowledge in applying the Bible than they do. So, you can apply the Bible verses they need to know when facing specific situations.
What are some of the things you are to teach them?(Titus 2:3-5)
How to Have a Happy Marriage. Young women need older women who have successfully remained in a godly marriage to teach them how they did it. They need advice about how to truly reverence their husbands (Ephesians 5:33), even when that isn’t easy. They need to know how to show their husbands they are in his corner all the time; they need to know how to make him constantly thankful he married them. They need to know how to be the spiritual support their husband needs as they strive to help each other on this earthly pilgrimage. They need to know how to practice agape love, even when the “in-love”feelings aren’t present. Youcan teach that, right?
How to Be a Homemaker. In our culture drenched with feminism, self-obsession, and individualism, there isn’t much acceptance, encouragement, and affirmation left for women who choose to stay home and raise their children as devoted homemakers. I’m talking about the women who choose to do this, not because they can’t do other things, but because they choose to be a housewife. They need older women to show them this choice isn’t silly or demeaning, as the world would have them to believe, but rather a rich, fulfilling lifestyle filled with abundant rewards. They need advice about how to be a good homemaker. They need tips on how to make their home a peaceful, God-centered haven even during chaotic times. They need advice about how to practice hospitality and use their home to extend love to those in need. Some may need knowledge about cooking, cleaning, decorating, and much more! Some need to be taught how to dress, how to have good manners, how to act like a lady, and when to be quiet. Surely, youcan teach these things, right?
How to Be a Godly Mother. Young mothers need help in learning how to train up their children in the way they should go. They need you to make it clear that you are someone they can pick up the phone and call when their child is stubborn and pushing the limits. They need to know they can ask you if they are handling a parenting dilemma in a godly way and be able to trust you will give them an honest, confidential, and Biblical answer. Youcan do this, right?
So, may I ask our older ladies? Who is the younger woman in your life? Are you letting someone in? Who are you bringing alongside of you to pray with them, to encourage them in their walk with the Lord? Who are you teaching the virtues of being a good wife and mother?
May I also ask our younger ladies? Who is the older woman in your life? Who are you letting in to invest in your life? Are you taking the place of a learner? Do you have a teachable spirit? Are you willing to receive instruction from the older women God has put into your life?
Unless older women take responsibility for teaching young women, it probably won’t happen. Are you helping in the teaching and training of younger women? Are relationships flourishing between women of different ages in your church?
Just as I believe every Timothy needs a Paul, every young lady also needs a mentor. We must learn from the mistakes of our elders; we must learn from their wisdom; we must learn from their own experiences; we must learn from their biblical knowledge; and we must learn from their correction and rebuke. We all need the wounds of a friend more than the kisses of an enemy. Don’t have a mentor? I pray you can find one. Know someone who needs a mentor? Be one!
God obviously sees older women as His own special messengers, and He will send you young ladies so you can show them how to grow into faithful, happy, Christian wives and mothers.
Satan is attacking motherhood. The era when a woman could be “fulfilled”by being a godly wife and mother has passed us by. Many mothers feel it is not enough to know that her wisdom and achievement will live on in her children. Today, many believe that the children are there to give them personal fulfillment. Maternal fulfillment has been replaced by personal fulfillment, which usually leads to emotional insecurity.
Satan finds admiration in many modern-day mothers. He admires you when you yell at your kids and complain about all the work you have to do. He loves it when you pass the child to your husband when he walks in the door saying, “I just can’t take anymore, and I need a break.” Satan rejoices when you wish you were still that skinny girl you used to be who was always in control and perfectly groomed. Satan loves it when you let the television do the baby sitting or you fiddle with your cell phone while ignoring your kids. He laughs when you start comparing your kids with others and suddenly you feel inadequate because her child is reading Shakespeare and your kid the same age is still eating bugs. Satan wants you to fail. He wants you to feel alone. He wants you to feel inadequate.
Motherhood will take your strength, your sleep, your leisure, your time, and most of your spending money. Instead of dreaming about a romantic vacation with your husband, you will have dreams of one day reaching the bottom of the laundry pile; but knowing it will never happen. Is this you? Chances are you have been sold a bill of goods. You have been told you deserve personal fulfillment, and you are a failure as a Mom if you don’t have it. As our children have grown up to be responsible adults, I find much personal fulfillment in seeing who they have become. I am proud of them. However, when they were young, it was fatherly fulfillment, or maternal fulfillment we had to be satisfied with.
While I know some godly women who take this passage seriously, diligently teaching younger women how to live a rich, God-filled life, I know many more Christian ladies who seem to ignore this passage. We live in a very keep-to-yourself, mind-your-own-business society, and I think this has affected the amount of wisdom older women are sharing with the younger. Young ladies need the guidance God talks about in Titus 2. Many young mothers will accept this guidance when it is gently offered, because now they have an appreciation for what their own mothers went through.
Years ago a mother might have a dozen kids. There were no televisions, dishwashers, microwaves, or washing machines. Hot water had to be boiled and clothes had to be ironed. Meals didn’t come from the drive-thru or out of a bag. Back then moms knew better than to pass off the children to their husbands as soon as he walked in the door because she “just couldn’t take anymore.” And yet, there was maternal fulfillment because she didn’t expect a pay-off at the end of the day. She knew her reward for faithfulness would come in the distant future.
Many young mothers have no concept of such a life, so the older ladies must teach them. They must be taught that their lives will never be their own again and they can no longer be motivated by praise or compliment. They must learn that their ambitions must change from desiring a trip to Hawaii to being content with a hot shower and a moment of quiet. They must begin to realize that their heart no longer resides in their chest, but rather it runs, crawls, or plays somewhere outside their bodies. Older women know these things, and it is their responsibility to share them with the young. If you do so, and if they are willing to listen and learn, many young and frustrated mothers, children, and husbands will be eternally in your debt.
On Mother’s Day we often speak about the virtues of the Proverbs 31 woman. However, I submit we might have more Proverbs 31 women if the church was blessed with more Titus 2 women.
Dr. Worthington has been in the ministry over forty years and serves as President of Pathway Ministries.