If my neighbors saw me walk out of my house today with my Bible under my arm, and if they conclude that I am most likely a Christian; I would be pleased with their perception of me. If they think I am honest, hardworking, and a patriot; that would also please me. However, if they should think that I am a crook, lazy, a racist, or a traitor; then that would bother me. You see, I care what people think about me. I don’t care enough to compromise my convictions, but I do care.
I Samuel 16:7 says, “man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart.” We know the person we are on the inside is important, but that verse does not mean that the outside is not important.
As Jesus was traveling to the villages of Caesarea Philippi, He asked His disciples, “Whom say the people that I am?”(Luke 9:18) Why would He care? That seems like a strange question for God to ask. Yet, He cared because He knew it was important to His ministry, and it was important to the people He was trying to minister to.
The disciples said that some say you’re: “John the Baptist; but some say, Elias; and others say, that one of the old prophets is risen again. He said unto them, But whom say ye that I am?” (Luke 9:19-20) I am afraid that people today would not have such complimentary answers. I think you would agree that what people think about Jesus is important, and not just what was in His heart.
What about you and I? We all wonder what people think of us every now and then, but sometimes it is to extract a compliment. It may also be to satisfy our curiosity. Usually, it is not to assess if there is something in our lives that we might need to change. In fact, some will even say, “I don’t care what people think of me.” In most circumstances, that would be a foolish statement. Perceptions are important. They are not always right, but they are still important. If I see someone dressed like a harlot or a hoodlum, I might assume that’s what they are. My assessment might not be correct, but that would still be my first assessment.
A person’s perception of you is not just based upon how you look, it is also about how you act and what messages you communicate in your words, actions, attitudes, and demeanor. Sometimes we have to modify our behavior so that the perception others have of us is what we want it to be. In short, knowing how you come across to other people is important. It was important to Jesus, and it should be important to us.
Most Christians, as a matter of testimony, accept that other peoples’ perceptions of them do matter. Not everyone though. Some just say “I am who I am, like it or lump it, I don’t care.” There is a place for that. Certainly, we can take it too far and become paralyzed by trying to keep everyone happy, or keep the wrong people happy. But there is also great danger. It’s almost like being a drunkard. Most people don’t care what others think about them when they are drunk. Caring about what others think can help you navigate and maintain valued relationships in life.
Consider for a moment what might happen if you released all your inhibitions and did whatever you wanted regardless of how it affected others? Your friends would probably feel like you don’t care about them. You may also have trouble at work, especially if your job involves interacting with people. Whether you are a waitress, banker, or teacher, your work would probably suffer.
A failure to take an account of the perceptions other people have of you may well cause you to fail at an interview, receive a poor performance review, and not be accepted as part of the team. Such a failure may even render your Christian testimony powerless. All because your self-perception is different from the perception others have of you. Most people just make the assumption they come across the way they think they do. This can be a costly assumption. You could be wrong. Never make assumptions about how you think others perceive you.
Of course, if their perceptions are wrong, then you may not have to change anything about who you are, you just have to change the ways you are communicating who you are. The ultimate truth is that is absolutely okay – even beneficial – to be aware of and care about others’ reactions to you, so long as you don’t lose sight of your true self. But if you think you do place too much value trying to please others, then it’s time to turn the focus on strengthening your sense of self.
Of course, it is also important to consider your perception of others. Your perception of others can often tell you a lot about yourself. If I should ask one man “Hey, what do you think about Bill?” He might say: “Oh, he’s a great guy.” I may ask another of his perceptions of Bill, and he might say, “I think he’s a creep.”
The same may be true for you and I. Our perceptions are often based on our own feelings. For example, if you see someone as annoying and difficult, it could be because you are that way yourself. Perhaps you are seeing others based on your past experiences and background. Perhaps this person reminds you of someone, or is in the same position as someone who hurt you. Perhaps they were raised differently than you, maybe not better or worse, just differently. So, you judge them based on your own personal history.
The way you feel about me may tell you a lot about yourself. We also like to believe that our perception is completely objective and impartial. But let’s be honest. It usually isn’t. That’s one reason we are warned about judging; we never have all the facts.
Many years ago, Elihu Burritt wrote, “No human being can come into this world without increasing or diminishing the sum total of human happiness, not only of the present but of every subsequent age of humanity. No one can detach himself from this connection. There is no sequestered spot in the universe, no dark niche along the disc of nonexistence, to which he can retreat from his relations with others, where he can withdraw the influence of his existence upon the moral destiny of the world. Everywhere, his presence or absence will be felt. Everywhere, he will have companions who will be better or worse because of him.
It is an old saying, and one of the fearful and fathomless statements of import, that we are forming characters for eternity. Forming characters? Where? Our own or others? Both. And in that momentous fact lies the peril and responsibility of our existence.
Who is sufficient for the thoughts? Thousands of my fellow beings will yearly enter eternity with characters differing from those they would have carried thither had I never lived. The sunlight of the world will reveal my finger marks in their primary formations and in the successive strata of thought and life.”
Wow! What a convicting thought. The perceptions others have of me, and in some cases the perceptions I have of them, can have eternal consequences.
Let’s just be honest with ourselves: people are going to constantly evaluate us and form perceptions about us. Now, I will not compromise to make it happen, but I really want you to like me and respect me. I want you to know that I love the Lord, and that I love you. I want you to know I love my wife, the church of Jesus Christ, and my country. I want you to believe that I am forgiving, loyal, generous, kind, patient, thoughtful, confident, and considerate.
I know that would sound like a real prideful Facebook Profile, and quite often I fall short of those lofty goals. Yet, it is the testimony I want to have, so I will work hard to have it. After all, your perceptions of me are very important.
Dr. Worthington has been in the ministry for over forty five years and serves as President of Pathway Ministries and Christian Bible College.